Love me, love me, pretend that you love me.

Hello Shabu!! <==== SOUNDS SO COOOL! Today I had to wake up early to go to the dentist. Good news is I have only one cavity. Bad news is it's a bad one. So bad that I need to get a root canal. >:0!! Went home all mopey because both my brothers had gotten it and they told me that it's the worst thing they can possibly do to you. -_-

Later, my dad, mom, brother, and I went to 24 Hour Fitness. So while I was running, I saw Luan. When I came over, I realized that nearly the entire gang was there. LOL, didn't know they work so hard. Pretty amazing. ^^ So I ran two miles. Worked on my thighs, tummy, side tummy, arms, and shoulders. o_O And I went swimming, or floating..., sauna, etc etc. Overall, it was awesome.

Afterwards, the entire family went to eat at a Koraen restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday. Dad told me to call Thong but I was feeling quite blah. Well, maybe I should tell you why I feel so blah.

Yesterday, right after I got out of the gym, I immediately called him just because I missed him and I wanted to talk to him. He was tired and I told him to go to bed. So I sang to him. Just childish nursery rhymes. It started out so sweet, so playful, so absolutely fun. Then he got moody or whatnot, I have no idea. But he started telling me about things that piss him off. Things that tick him off. And he just.. started dissing people. Well, when it comes to controversial matters, our ideals differ greatly. And I am so serious when I say this. We would start debating about random crap to pointless crap. And these debates would escalate into arguments. Which would then lead to sleepless nights and unsettling thoughts.

Apparently, he hates people who sleep during boring lecture and wake up to laugh at funny jokes. He disses people who complain about how hard the AP tests are when, in his opinion, they are simply impossible to fail. And what pisses the fuck out of me is how he views politicians, or those with a "Yale," "Harvard," "Princeton," or "Stanford" degree as individuals so superior, so intelligent, so admirable that they have absolutely no flaw. It's pretty pathetic if you ask me. To just blindly follow those in power simply because they have the credibility to do so. To think that useless and ignorant people who "sit on their ass all day" should just keep their mouths shut even though these individuals represent them. It's fucken bull. To love America so much for its values and then go and put down one of its most predominant values by undermining the way people think. To mock those who yearn for peace and happiness in this world - however impossible it may seem. And ultimately, to denounce the teachings and doings of Dr. King and Gandhi and claiming, "no wonder they got shot." At least they dreamt of something, and did it.

He asked for my thoughts, and I gave him one, only to have him throw it in my face. It got to a point in which I just..didn't care anymore. I felt so indifferent about it. So nonchalant. So blahh. And I went to bed that night with that attitude. Usually, when something's wrong, it would plague my mind and keep me restless. In fact, I would be consumed with anger as well as sadness. But this time, it was just...blah. And I really started doubting if we would even work out.

Now back to today. So I called because my dad wanted me too. But also because I kind of wanted to see him. And his mom answered the phone and told me that Thong was eating dinner. So I left it at that. But it made me wonder. Previous times, when I called, and he was present, he would dash to his mom and yank the phone from her just to talk to me. But lately, it's been like this. His dining table isn't that far from the phone. At most, two steps. -_- But he just...sat through it and called...two hours later. Or how the other time I called and his mom once again told me that he was having dinner. But he later told me that he was watching TV. And once again, the TV is four steps away from the phone. Or how I'd switch from cell phone to home phone. And I'd tell him that I'm going to call his home phone instead. He knows how I feel like when I call and have to answer to his mom. It's uncomfortable? Something I... dread, if you will. Well, it's not something I look forward to because 95% of the time, I feel as though I am being a burden. So I realized that when I did this, rather than running downstairs to get the phone like previous times, he would let his mom answer it and bring it to him. I know for a fact that feelings fade. I've had first-hand experience with it. Seen others around me go through it. And now, I'm beginning to think that it's happening again. Maybe, he is like the rest of them.

So we talked after my dad's dinner thing. And I tried to disregard the previous night's conversation and talked like how I usually do. He asked me how my day was and I told him like I always did. With the occasional laughing, the giggling, the energetic tone of voice - the way I always feel when I talk to him. But he was just...mellow and nonchalant. I asked him how his day was and once again, he gave short answers and rarely, if at all, laughed or joked around or seemed like he was having fun. Then there was just...awkward silence. He'd ask simple questions and I'd just answer them. If he didn't want to talk, he could have just told me. Rather than forcing the entire phone conversation. He asked me if I wanted to go out Friday two days ago. Then we changed it to Saturday because of my dad's birthday. But not once did he even mention it. And so, I just gave up and said I needed to go take a shower. And he hasn't called back since.