Hello Shabu!
Today is my second day of pms-ing and uhh, it's a lot better than yesterday. Though I'm kind of sad I could not go to Ihop with Thong today. Parents have been going to that place again. And once again, things aren't going too good. They'd come home early in the morning and be moody the entire day. I really hate it when they go there. In fact, they're there right now.
But moving on, I talked to Thong on the phone for almost four hours today. Pretty cool. But then I noticed that well, he still has his essay to do. And I'm not even going through with my so-called plan! >:O Either way, he'd just hit the television. -_-
Brian invited me to his birthday party next Saturday. He said it's a small party and I didn't want him to clarify. So I wonder if that means I can bring Thong with me or no. But it's so cool. He's celebrating his birthday, his mom's, and his baby sister's. So I'm guessing they all have August birthdays. o_O Now I have to brainstorm what to buy for him. I was thinking something from the movie UP. But then I just realized - he has a bunch of UP stuff. So maybe something else. Well, after visiting Thong at UCI on Monday, I'll go shopping with Nancy to see if I can get him something.
I brought Tata out to meet Dobie again today. Though it was quite different from the previous encounter. Dobie walked away and looked at me with such sad eyes. He wasn't even barking. He was just sad, and of course jealous. And the funny thing is that Tata decided that there was no threat, so she curled back into a ball and fell asleep. I mean, Dobie wouldn't even look at her. It wasn't until I moved her back inside did he play with me. And this also had to involve a bunch of cooing and baby-talking. I mean, he still is a puppy. -_- A big puppy. And in the end, he still didn't get close to her. I closed the door and I was feeding Tata when I felt as though someone was staring at me. So I turned around, and right behind the metal door, Dobie's gaze caught mine. LOL, it was too funny. But my dog is a stalker.
Talked to Bach to brainstorm events that our group can do together. So, those two are super scared of roller coasters. -_- Just like Thong. Then we came up with movies night, or movie marathon.
My leg's killing me. The aching just came back today and now, I think I'll have to resort to Tylenol because its a bad one.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
But I keep climbing and hoping things would change. And the sky turns gray, and the water from the rain washes progress away.
With Thong, I learned to settle for it. It's not what I want. It's not something I choose. It's not like I have a choice. But I settle for it, simply because it's the only thing I can do. It's the only option. And so, I settle with seeing him once or twice a week.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
My tears run down like razorblades. And no, I'm not the one to blame.
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
You just don't understand. Is one day in an entire week really enough? Sometimes, because you seem to go perfectly fine without me, I feel a need to just do things that don't involve you to shove it in your face. Just so you can see how it feels. Hence, I'm contemplating summer school. Already doing gym. Anything that doesn't involve you because "you shouldn't matter." Yup, you're not supposed to "affect me this much."
Well, I'll have you know that couples should affect each other that much. And they do. And seeing how one-sided this affecting is, it's not really working out. If this is what you're looking for, then quite frankly, you will not find it in a relationship.
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
You just don't understand. Is one day in an entire week really enough? Sometimes, because you seem to go perfectly fine without me, I feel a need to just do things that don't involve you to shove it in your face. Just so you can see how it feels. Hence, I'm contemplating summer school. Already doing gym. Anything that doesn't involve you because "you shouldn't matter." Yup, you're not supposed to "affect me this much."
Well, I'll have you know that couples should affect each other that much. And they do. And seeing how one-sided this affecting is, it's not really working out. If this is what you're looking for, then quite frankly, you will not find it in a relationship.
Monday, July 27, 2009
And all I ever thought you'd be, that face is tearing holes in me again.
Well Shabu, he managed to do it again. Went over a week without getting mad at him. I guess that's just impossible. Though it may be a good thing because it shows that I still care. I was wondering why suddenly, I didn't seem to care about the things that should have hurt. -_-
He told me in the last two months that we'd go to Six Flags. Then suddenly, he doesn't want to go. Nope, he'd rather go to Disneyland. He wouldn't even go to the OC Fair because apparently, he's saving up for Disneyland. But no, that didn't got me mad. Just a little disappointed, but not mad or sad.
See, he said, "You have your family and Bach and Anh-Thuy and your friends. I'm sure you'll have fun with them." He also said, "After I go to Disneyland and you go to Six Flags, we can analyze and compare the two together."
I guess he doesn't understand that I want to spend the time with him at the theme park. But no, he didn't get it. He shoved me to other people and basically told me, "What's the difference? They can replace me. You'll have fun without me."
And the thing that got me really depressed is the fact that apparently, he can go to Disneyland and have fun without me. Nope, he's decided to go. And if I choose Six Flags, his decision won't change. Because either way, he'll be able to have fun at Disneyland. Yup. There is no difference if I go or not.
But in addition to this, something at the back of my mind told me that he was going to go with Heather and Michelle. And that thought was gnawing at me, until finally, with all the pressure, sadness, and anger, I couldn't bear it any longer and hung up on him. See, woman's intuition. That's something you don't know how to question. But something tells me that Heather fancies Thong. Right after Winter Formal, she approached me and said, "Well, nothing will probably happen between you guys. It's just a dance." I don't know, but it seemed as though she was trying to reassure herself. She told me "Aww, Thong is just too sweet and cute. You should have seen how he reacted when you asked him to Formal." But at the same time, the tone of her voice was something different. Jealousy? Envy? I have no idea. Then she talks a little, and randomly brings up Thong, and ends it with asking for his birth date. And well, I can't help it. But I swear it was an accident. I had Thong's yearbook when she returned it to me. So I kept it at home until Thong came over, and I'd return it. Bach had my yearbook then, so I opened his to read over senior remembrance. And right on the front cover, I saw my name. Curiosity got the better of me, and next thing you know, I read the line. I don't remember much, but I know it goes something like this. "You're such a sweet guy. Sometimes, you make me wish that I were Cristina instead." And well, I am so sure that there is some truth in that. And then, there's Disneyland. I went on Thong's Facebook after he added me. And smack at the top of the page was her comment. Well, she asked Thong to go to Disneyland with her and Michelle. And well, that says everything. See, she and I were close friends. Notice "were." But nonetheless, we're still friends. And usually, a noble friend would not leave comments as such in her friend's boyfriend's yearbook. A noble friend wouldn't ask her friend's boyfriend to Disneyland without asking the friend. I don't know. Maybe I'm over-analyzing this. But hey, woman's intuition.
And now that Thong's suddenly going to Disneyland, I can't help but go back to thinking about this. He said, "I'm going with Thang and mom and uhh... anyone else who wants to go." I wonder exactly what he meant by that.
Update: 1:12 A.M.
But onwards, today was a horrible day. I felt the fireball feeling in my throat. I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch someone. I wanted to cuss at someone. And I wanted to just give up at the same time. Dad's still being an asshole. Even if I am right, I must keep my mouth shut at all times. Yups, and because he is dad, he is always right. I speak up to defend Nancy and Richard and I get in trouble. I speak up to give reasons to an argument and I get in trouble. I speak up to tell him what I think and I get in trouble. And so, I might as well shut up. And he told me that it is best that I shut up. And so, I'll just talk to him when I need to. Other than that, I'll keep my mouth shut. I can't wait to get out of here. I fucken swear, sometimes I hate this place, this atmosphere, so much. And when I'm up in LA, I'll show them.
This world is such a bitter and damned place. The people are fucked up. There are those without families. Then there are those with families who simply don't care. Then there are those with fucked up families. Then there are those with fake families. And in this world, you can't trust anyone. I'm sick of trying to find the good in people. Sick of being good and hoping that people can be the same. Because that's not how it works. In the end, it's a "dog-eat-dog" world. It's every man for himself. And if you can't deal with it, you lose. You get weeded out. And you'll be just another unknown corpse. A failure. Time and time again, people will stab you right in the face. They'll kick you in the guts and pour salt into your wound. They'll smother you with a pillow until your lungs run dry.
Then again, some people just make up for all of it. Because in the end, your family's all you got. If not, your spouse. Your peers. Somewhere, there's gotta be that someone that makes it worthwhile. That'll watch your back so you can watch your face. That'll pick you up and heal your scars. That'll share that oxygen with you.
LOL, boy that sounds like a bunch of bs. But whatever. Feels good to finally let it out.
He told me in the last two months that we'd go to Six Flags. Then suddenly, he doesn't want to go. Nope, he'd rather go to Disneyland. He wouldn't even go to the OC Fair because apparently, he's saving up for Disneyland. But no, that didn't got me mad. Just a little disappointed, but not mad or sad.
See, he said, "You have your family and Bach and Anh-Thuy and your friends. I'm sure you'll have fun with them." He also said, "After I go to Disneyland and you go to Six Flags, we can analyze and compare the two together."
I guess he doesn't understand that I want to spend the time with him at the theme park. But no, he didn't get it. He shoved me to other people and basically told me, "What's the difference? They can replace me. You'll have fun without me."
And the thing that got me really depressed is the fact that apparently, he can go to Disneyland and have fun without me. Nope, he's decided to go. And if I choose Six Flags, his decision won't change. Because either way, he'll be able to have fun at Disneyland. Yup. There is no difference if I go or not.
But in addition to this, something at the back of my mind told me that he was going to go with Heather and Michelle. And that thought was gnawing at me, until finally, with all the pressure, sadness, and anger, I couldn't bear it any longer and hung up on him. See, woman's intuition. That's something you don't know how to question. But something tells me that Heather fancies Thong. Right after Winter Formal, she approached me and said, "Well, nothing will probably happen between you guys. It's just a dance." I don't know, but it seemed as though she was trying to reassure herself. She told me "Aww, Thong is just too sweet and cute. You should have seen how he reacted when you asked him to Formal." But at the same time, the tone of her voice was something different. Jealousy? Envy? I have no idea. Then she talks a little, and randomly brings up Thong, and ends it with asking for his birth date. And well, I can't help it. But I swear it was an accident. I had Thong's yearbook when she returned it to me. So I kept it at home until Thong came over, and I'd return it. Bach had my yearbook then, so I opened his to read over senior remembrance. And right on the front cover, I saw my name. Curiosity got the better of me, and next thing you know, I read the line. I don't remember much, but I know it goes something like this. "You're such a sweet guy. Sometimes, you make me wish that I were Cristina instead." And well, I am so sure that there is some truth in that. And then, there's Disneyland. I went on Thong's Facebook after he added me. And smack at the top of the page was her comment. Well, she asked Thong to go to Disneyland with her and Michelle. And well, that says everything. See, she and I were close friends. Notice "were." But nonetheless, we're still friends. And usually, a noble friend would not leave comments as such in her friend's boyfriend's yearbook. A noble friend wouldn't ask her friend's boyfriend to Disneyland without asking the friend. I don't know. Maybe I'm over-analyzing this. But hey, woman's intuition.
And now that Thong's suddenly going to Disneyland, I can't help but go back to thinking about this. He said, "I'm going with Thang and mom and uhh... anyone else who wants to go." I wonder exactly what he meant by that.
Update: 1:12 A.M.
But onwards, today was a horrible day. I felt the fireball feeling in my throat. I wanted to cry. I wanted to punch someone. I wanted to cuss at someone. And I wanted to just give up at the same time. Dad's still being an asshole. Even if I am right, I must keep my mouth shut at all times. Yups, and because he is dad, he is always right. I speak up to defend Nancy and Richard and I get in trouble. I speak up to give reasons to an argument and I get in trouble. I speak up to tell him what I think and I get in trouble. And so, I might as well shut up. And he told me that it is best that I shut up. And so, I'll just talk to him when I need to. Other than that, I'll keep my mouth shut. I can't wait to get out of here. I fucken swear, sometimes I hate this place, this atmosphere, so much. And when I'm up in LA, I'll show them.
This world is such a bitter and damned place. The people are fucked up. There are those without families. Then there are those with families who simply don't care. Then there are those with fucked up families. Then there are those with fake families. And in this world, you can't trust anyone. I'm sick of trying to find the good in people. Sick of being good and hoping that people can be the same. Because that's not how it works. In the end, it's a "dog-eat-dog" world. It's every man for himself. And if you can't deal with it, you lose. You get weeded out. And you'll be just another unknown corpse. A failure. Time and time again, people will stab you right in the face. They'll kick you in the guts and pour salt into your wound. They'll smother you with a pillow until your lungs run dry.
Then again, some people just make up for all of it. Because in the end, your family's all you got. If not, your spouse. Your peers. Somewhere, there's gotta be that someone that makes it worthwhile. That'll watch your back so you can watch your face. That'll pick you up and heal your scars. That'll share that oxygen with you.
LOL, boy that sounds like a bunch of bs. But whatever. Feels good to finally let it out.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
So much more to say. So much to be done.
Good day shabu!!
Today Thong asked me to go watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It was pretty good! Besides the fact that Nanette needed me to take her to the restroom and by the time I came back, Dumbledore was already dead. -_- Then we hopped to My Sister's Keeper but we weren't able to finish the last ten minutes of the movie.
Half-way through the movie, something struck me. There were many doctors in the movie. And I thought about how most of us want to grow up to become accomplished doctors in one way or another. We go to school to study and learn for eight to fourteen years simply to become these doctors. And well, doctors are simply ordinary people. Like everyone else, they're just people. They may have a distinguished occupation, but they're still people who will live and die like any other. They'll never be a Micheal Jackson, a Mother Theresa, a Kobe Bryant, or an Abraham Lincoln. Nope, just a doctor something. But why is it that most of us want to pursue the medical field? Is it for the prestige? The fortune? The importance? The feeling of doing good deeds?
But moving on. In the movie, Kate is a victim of cancer, specifically leukemia. She lives each day understanding that she can die any time. And she falls in love with a boy who is also a cancer victim. These people who are suffering from diseases and sicknesses. Who have their lives dangling on a mere thread. Who become burdens to those around them - however cruel that may seem. How do they live their lives? We, on the other hand, planned out our entire future. We have dreams, aspirations. We have places we want to go to, things we want to do, words we want to say, and people we want to stay with. And yet, with such a limited time, what would we do? In such a case, every other thing seems insignificant. And in the end, Kate chose to spend her time with the boy she grew to love. You can do all the things you want to do in life. Go to fun and interesting places. Learn at prestigious schools. Become that one prominent figure. Make a fortune. But in the end, if you're alone, it'll all be for nothing. The gratification would just dissolve into...nothing. Emptiness.
Today Thong asked me to go watch Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. It was pretty good! Besides the fact that Nanette needed me to take her to the restroom and by the time I came back, Dumbledore was already dead. -_- Then we hopped to My Sister's Keeper but we weren't able to finish the last ten minutes of the movie.
Half-way through the movie, something struck me. There were many doctors in the movie. And I thought about how most of us want to grow up to become accomplished doctors in one way or another. We go to school to study and learn for eight to fourteen years simply to become these doctors. And well, doctors are simply ordinary people. Like everyone else, they're just people. They may have a distinguished occupation, but they're still people who will live and die like any other. They'll never be a Micheal Jackson, a Mother Theresa, a Kobe Bryant, or an Abraham Lincoln. Nope, just a doctor something. But why is it that most of us want to pursue the medical field? Is it for the prestige? The fortune? The importance? The feeling of doing good deeds?
But moving on. In the movie, Kate is a victim of cancer, specifically leukemia. She lives each day understanding that she can die any time. And she falls in love with a boy who is also a cancer victim. These people who are suffering from diseases and sicknesses. Who have their lives dangling on a mere thread. Who become burdens to those around them - however cruel that may seem. How do they live their lives? We, on the other hand, planned out our entire future. We have dreams, aspirations. We have places we want to go to, things we want to do, words we want to say, and people we want to stay with. And yet, with such a limited time, what would we do? In such a case, every other thing seems insignificant. And in the end, Kate chose to spend her time with the boy she grew to love. You can do all the things you want to do in life. Go to fun and interesting places. Learn at prestigious schools. Become that one prominent figure. Make a fortune. But in the end, if you're alone, it'll all be for nothing. The gratification would just dissolve into...nothing. Emptiness.
Friday, July 24, 2009
I wish this could last forever, as if this could last forever.
So I haven't blog in a while. Spent most of the day talking to Thong over the phone. Though I must say today is a lot more... playful than most days. Tell me what you think.
"How about some strawberry sensation bursting flavor in your mouth."
"I'll put some joy sauce in your mouth."
LOL, am I right? or am I right? *kudos to TT* But the day started with some more serious things. Thong called early in the morning, - ehh...afternoon - to tell me about his dream. But what's even more important was the worse dream he's ever had:
He grew up to be a restaurant owner. His dad was still weary and tired and hard at labor. His mom toiled around the house. And his brother made nothing of himself. And worse of all, he let it happen. He didn't have the chance to take his mom out to see the world. Or give his dad a chance to relax. Or encourage his brother in any way possible and show him his concern. But the most surprisingly bad thing was that he had a wife and a kid. To be tied down so soon when he hasn't become a man yet. And I guess, he was trying to tell me to live my life, do what I want, do all of the things that I've ever wanted to do, before I settle down.
Of course, I have full intentions to do just that. There's just so much to see. So much to do.
Now getting away from that topic, something blah happened today. I used my Cal Grant ID to do my AlcoholEdu exam for UCLA. I asked Cindy and she told me to get the number from the Cal Grant letter. Though now, she doesn't recall ever telling me that. =[ And UCLA also sent me a notice telling me to redo my bruin card because apparently, the resolution is poor. -__-
gnight Shabu.
"How about some strawberry sensation bursting flavor in your mouth."
"I'll put some joy sauce in your mouth."
LOL, am I right? or am I right? *kudos to TT* But the day started with some more serious things. Thong called early in the morning, - ehh...afternoon - to tell me about his dream. But what's even more important was the worse dream he's ever had:
He grew up to be a restaurant owner. His dad was still weary and tired and hard at labor. His mom toiled around the house. And his brother made nothing of himself. And worse of all, he let it happen. He didn't have the chance to take his mom out to see the world. Or give his dad a chance to relax. Or encourage his brother in any way possible and show him his concern. But the most surprisingly bad thing was that he had a wife and a kid. To be tied down so soon when he hasn't become a man yet. And I guess, he was trying to tell me to live my life, do what I want, do all of the things that I've ever wanted to do, before I settle down.
Of course, I have full intentions to do just that. There's just so much to see. So much to do.
Now getting away from that topic, something blah happened today. I used my Cal Grant ID to do my AlcoholEdu exam for UCLA. I asked Cindy and she told me to get the number from the Cal Grant letter. Though now, she doesn't recall ever telling me that. =[ And UCLA also sent me a notice telling me to redo my bruin card because apparently, the resolution is poor. -__-
gnight Shabu.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
I need a little more luck than a little bit, cuz every time I get stuck the words won't fit.
Hellooo there Shabu!! Miss me?
So today, I woke up at 6:30 A.M. to call Thong. And usually, I'd call at 6:35. So I went back to sleep for that five minutes. In the end, I woke up at 7:51. heh, that was an epic fail. Worse thing is that this time, he actually waited for the phone up to 6:45. =[
I slept a lot today. Played with Tata for a bit too. She was sleeping, so I stuck my index finger in and left it in front of her face. And I guess she sensed me or whatnot, because she woke up and just scratched at it. I swear, she took out her two tiny paws and tried to claw at it. LOL, and she did it all the way until I withdrew my finger from the cage. Then she curled up and settled back down under the wheel.
Later, I went to the gym and I worked on my tummy. Afterward, I weighed myself only to discover that I've gained five pounds in one week. Which is simply IMPOSSIBLE! stupid scale, IT'S WRONG!!
Then we went to Pho Lu to eat dinner. I ordered com tam at a pho restaurant. hahah, but really, I felt like eating rice. Speaking of rice, Thong has been eating more rice lately, LMAO!! Then we bought some food and went to Tiffany's house to visit her mom. Roxy was just too adorable. And she has such a keen nose. She was able to smell the treat even after I hid it. ^_^
We left at 12:00 A.M. and Thong called. hehee, then I told him about the plan to talk less and work more, and he was like, "Okay, if that's what you want." o_O I wonder if that's how I sound everytime he says that we should talk less, hug less, spend less time with each other, etc. lol, but I had good intentions! Then while we were talking, dad got pissed off at Rocco and started cussing. And worse things happened so I muted Thong. And now, I'm off to bed. Though I'm extremely pissed off and have half a mind to smack the guy and give him a piece of my mind. But yeah, they're all thoughts. -_- Maybe one day, I'll have the guts to do it when I need to.
So today, I woke up at 6:30 A.M. to call Thong. And usually, I'd call at 6:35. So I went back to sleep for that five minutes. In the end, I woke up at 7:51. heh, that was an epic fail. Worse thing is that this time, he actually waited for the phone up to 6:45. =[
I slept a lot today. Played with Tata for a bit too. She was sleeping, so I stuck my index finger in and left it in front of her face. And I guess she sensed me or whatnot, because she woke up and just scratched at it. I swear, she took out her two tiny paws and tried to claw at it. LOL, and she did it all the way until I withdrew my finger from the cage. Then she curled up and settled back down under the wheel.
Later, I went to the gym and I worked on my tummy. Afterward, I weighed myself only to discover that I've gained five pounds in one week. Which is simply IMPOSSIBLE! stupid scale, IT'S WRONG!!
Then we went to Pho Lu to eat dinner. I ordered com tam at a pho restaurant. hahah, but really, I felt like eating rice. Speaking of rice, Thong has been eating more rice lately, LMAO!! Then we bought some food and went to Tiffany's house to visit her mom. Roxy was just too adorable. And she has such a keen nose. She was able to smell the treat even after I hid it. ^_^
We left at 12:00 A.M. and Thong called. hehee, then I told him about the plan to talk less and work more, and he was like, "Okay, if that's what you want." o_O I wonder if that's how I sound everytime he says that we should talk less, hug less, spend less time with each other, etc. lol, but I had good intentions! Then while we were talking, dad got pissed off at Rocco and started cussing. And worse things happened so I muted Thong. And now, I'm off to bed. Though I'm extremely pissed off and have half a mind to smack the guy and give him a piece of my mind. But yeah, they're all thoughts. -_- Maybe one day, I'll have the guts to do it when I need to.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
For you, I will.
Shabu!!
So today was swap meet day!! I had three hours of sleep simply because I couldn't find a sleeping position that would allow my body to rest from the aching cramps. I woke up and the aches intensified tenfold! Not only that, my arms and elbows hurt so much. Especially my right arm. I couldn't set both arms down straight, so the entire morning I bent them at the elbows. Mom gave me super strong painkillers and I guessed it worked by 11:00 A.M. or so. ^_^ Work was hot today. And it was slow too. Barely any customers. And I confessed to my parents about the hamster. I told them that Thong and I got her together. And dad got worked up over it. "IT'S A RAT!" lol, but mom wanted to see what it looked like. And so I told Thong to take her out when he comes.
At around 12:00 P.M. he came out with the hamster. And yup, dad didn't like her. And he wanted us to sell her. So we got her - food and everything included - for $55 yesterday. And now, I was planning to sell her for $30. Though really, I don't want to sell her at all! So I tried to find a way so that Thong and I can still visit her. And Tiffany became the solution. Now hopefully, her mom will give in. ^_^ If all fails, I'll take her to LA with me or something. She's so scintillating, clever, and simply adorable. Almost as much as Thong! ALMOST... don't tell him though. xD
Speaking of Thong, he was so quiet and...emo today? He claimed to be helping us watch the tools, but he seemed so absorbed into his thoughts. Then I found out that he lost his mom's cell phone. But seriously, I don't understand why people don't return it. -_- So after some hamster time and talking time, we went to browse the swap meet. First stop was to the restroom to wash our hands. LOL, then we checked out the football stadium. I think he liked it. He had on such a nostalgic expression. And I showed him to other places. We then drank orange juice and ate beef tacos. Overall, it was nice. Though I was trying to cheer him up but I really didn't know how. So I just squeezed his hand. Which reminds me... I noticed that lately, when we get together, we make out a lot! And so, I'll try to do it only once in a while. That way, we can actually focus on one another. Though, I think once the mood's perfect, it's nearly impossible to just let it go.
He helped us pack up today. lol, it was pretty nice. For some reason, it didn't seem as hard and back-breaking as other days. Maybe my mind was occupied or something. Well, when I got home, I showed Tata to Dobie again. And Dobie got jealous and ran back and started barking and snorting at us. Too cute. The hamster's currently outside now though. She's in front under the truck thingy. But I put a shirt over her cage so that she'll warm up. I need to get her to Tiffany's house soon because she'll probably catch a cold or suffer from heat exhaustion if she stays outside. I also found out that her droppings change color based on the food she consumes. THAT'S A WOW! But yeah, she also recognizes her owners' scents. Maybe that's why she didn't bite me. I was the first one to hold her and I was also the first one she bit. ^_^ I'll try to teach her how to respond to her name. Though I love how she wiggles her ears, almost subconsciously, each time we make a smooching sound.
I came home and slept for three hours. Then I ate and realized that I had to finish some alcohol exam/course online for UCLA. And apparently, it's due the 20th. Though, I wasn't sure if it meant by the 20th or last day is the 20th. Three hour thing. I finished it in roughly 2 hours - at 12:43 A.M. LOL, so yeah, if I'm late, I'm late. -_- Right now, I'm going back to add on to today's blog. Now I'm tired again. I'll wait till Thong finishes his essay. Then I'll tell him goodnight and have him get his rest. He's probably tired. In the mean time, I guess I'll go look up some T-Mobile stuff. Hopefully, he can use that one SIM card that came with my Blackberry.
So today was swap meet day!! I had three hours of sleep simply because I couldn't find a sleeping position that would allow my body to rest from the aching cramps. I woke up and the aches intensified tenfold! Not only that, my arms and elbows hurt so much. Especially my right arm. I couldn't set both arms down straight, so the entire morning I bent them at the elbows. Mom gave me super strong painkillers and I guessed it worked by 11:00 A.M. or so. ^_^ Work was hot today. And it was slow too. Barely any customers. And I confessed to my parents about the hamster. I told them that Thong and I got her together. And dad got worked up over it. "IT'S A RAT!" lol, but mom wanted to see what it looked like. And so I told Thong to take her out when he comes.
At around 12:00 P.M. he came out with the hamster. And yup, dad didn't like her. And he wanted us to sell her. So we got her - food and everything included - for $55 yesterday. And now, I was planning to sell her for $30. Though really, I don't want to sell her at all! So I tried to find a way so that Thong and I can still visit her. And Tiffany became the solution. Now hopefully, her mom will give in. ^_^ If all fails, I'll take her to LA with me or something. She's so scintillating, clever, and simply adorable. Almost as much as Thong! ALMOST... don't tell him though. xD
Speaking of Thong, he was so quiet and...emo today? He claimed to be helping us watch the tools, but he seemed so absorbed into his thoughts. Then I found out that he lost his mom's cell phone. But seriously, I don't understand why people don't return it. -_- So after some hamster time and talking time, we went to browse the swap meet. First stop was to the restroom to wash our hands. LOL, then we checked out the football stadium. I think he liked it. He had on such a nostalgic expression. And I showed him to other places. We then drank orange juice and ate beef tacos. Overall, it was nice. Though I was trying to cheer him up but I really didn't know how. So I just squeezed his hand. Which reminds me... I noticed that lately, when we get together, we make out a lot! And so, I'll try to do it only once in a while. That way, we can actually focus on one another. Though, I think once the mood's perfect, it's nearly impossible to just let it go.
He helped us pack up today. lol, it was pretty nice. For some reason, it didn't seem as hard and back-breaking as other days. Maybe my mind was occupied or something. Well, when I got home, I showed Tata to Dobie again. And Dobie got jealous and ran back and started barking and snorting at us. Too cute. The hamster's currently outside now though. She's in front under the truck thingy. But I put a shirt over her cage so that she'll warm up. I need to get her to Tiffany's house soon because she'll probably catch a cold or suffer from heat exhaustion if she stays outside. I also found out that her droppings change color based on the food she consumes. THAT'S A WOW! But yeah, she also recognizes her owners' scents. Maybe that's why she didn't bite me. I was the first one to hold her and I was also the first one she bit. ^_^ I'll try to teach her how to respond to her name. Though I love how she wiggles her ears, almost subconsciously, each time we make a smooching sound.
I came home and slept for three hours. Then I ate and realized that I had to finish some alcohol exam/course online for UCLA. And apparently, it's due the 20th. Though, I wasn't sure if it meant by the 20th or last day is the 20th. Three hour thing. I finished it in roughly 2 hours - at 12:43 A.M. LOL, so yeah, if I'm late, I'm late. -_- Right now, I'm going back to add on to today's blog. Now I'm tired again. I'll wait till Thong finishes his essay. Then I'll tell him goodnight and have him get his rest. He's probably tired. In the mean time, I guess I'll go look up some T-Mobile stuff. Hopefully, he can use that one SIM card that came with my Blackberry.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Time falls away, but these small hours.... these little wonders still remain.
Hey you!!
So Friday I was mad at Thong for suddenly canceling the 24 Hour Fitness thing. I went late at night because I simply didn't feel like going after that. He called at 1:00 in the morning right after I got out of the pool. So I told him I'd call him back because I was still planning to change, go home, shower, and eat. And when I did at 2:00 or so, his mom picked up and told me that it's already too late and that Thong's asleep.
He called back a while later and we talked a little. I just wasn't up to the talking because he seemed so nonchalant about it. And so that day, we talked for only 30 minutes total. Then I hung up and went to bed. And that night, I was so sad about it. Because I looked ahead and predicted that the future would be a lot worse since we will barely have enough time. And I was pretty sure that things weren't going right. I think I cried a little that night.
The next morning, I was supposed to go eat with the group. And I got ready and wasn't planning to tell Thong because I was mad and I assumed that he'd probably prefer spending time with his essay. But somehow, in the end, I had Richard call him for me. *His mom probably has a bad impression with the late night calling!! Very improper. =[* I invited him and surprisingly, he said yes.
So we went to the Boiling Crab. We ordered one pound shrimp and 10 hot wings with fries. It was nice. Then we went to the park at Bolsa to just...chill. And later, Thong took me to Pet City to look around. We ended up buying a hamster. Well, I bought it without thinking or planning ahead. And I dragged Thong into it too. Then we went to Petco to buy her cage, food, chewing toy, and bedding.
In the end, Thong named her Tata! LOL, though I'm adding on. She'll be Tata Thai! ahaha, it sounds sooo cool. We took her to my house and Nanette, Rocco, and Nancy were excited to play with her. But we had to hide her because my parents wouldn't approve. That night, she slept outside in the cold at Thong's house because he couldn't keep it inside.
I read some inspirational stories before I headed off to bed. I particularly liked these quotes:
- "We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware--beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."
- "People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."
- "Sometimes people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to 'think twice and act wisely,' it's often easier said than done.'"
- "Men stumble over pebbles, never over mountains."
I noticed something today. It just...hit me. I'm much too selfish. Thong has his class. He has his work. He has his family. He has his friends. He has his own life. And yet, I always expect so much out of him. Always taking away his time, whether it be by phone or in person. Taking away the time he could have used to rest up instead. And so, I've decided. It'll be hard, but I'll give it a try gradually. Let him finish his work and rest up before spending his Cristina time with me. I gotta let him go. ^_^
So Friday I was mad at Thong for suddenly canceling the 24 Hour Fitness thing. I went late at night because I simply didn't feel like going after that. He called at 1:00 in the morning right after I got out of the pool. So I told him I'd call him back because I was still planning to change, go home, shower, and eat. And when I did at 2:00 or so, his mom picked up and told me that it's already too late and that Thong's asleep.
He called back a while later and we talked a little. I just wasn't up to the talking because he seemed so nonchalant about it. And so that day, we talked for only 30 minutes total. Then I hung up and went to bed. And that night, I was so sad about it. Because I looked ahead and predicted that the future would be a lot worse since we will barely have enough time. And I was pretty sure that things weren't going right. I think I cried a little that night.
The next morning, I was supposed to go eat with the group. And I got ready and wasn't planning to tell Thong because I was mad and I assumed that he'd probably prefer spending time with his essay. But somehow, in the end, I had Richard call him for me. *His mom probably has a bad impression with the late night calling!! Very improper. =[* I invited him and surprisingly, he said yes.
So we went to the Boiling Crab. We ordered one pound shrimp and 10 hot wings with fries. It was nice. Then we went to the park at Bolsa to just...chill. And later, Thong took me to Pet City to look around. We ended up buying a hamster. Well, I bought it without thinking or planning ahead. And I dragged Thong into it too. Then we went to Petco to buy her cage, food, chewing toy, and bedding.
In the end, Thong named her Tata! LOL, though I'm adding on. She'll be Tata Thai! ahaha, it sounds sooo cool. We took her to my house and Nanette, Rocco, and Nancy were excited to play with her. But we had to hide her because my parents wouldn't approve. That night, she slept outside in the cold at Thong's house because he couldn't keep it inside.
I read some inspirational stories before I headed off to bed. I particularly liked these quotes:
- "We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware--beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one."
- "People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel."
- "Sometimes people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to 'think twice and act wisely,' it's often easier said than done.'"
- "Men stumble over pebbles, never over mountains."
I noticed something today. It just...hit me. I'm much too selfish. Thong has his class. He has his work. He has his family. He has his friends. He has his own life. And yet, I always expect so much out of him. Always taking away his time, whether it be by phone or in person. Taking away the time he could have used to rest up instead. And so, I've decided. It'll be hard, but I'll give it a try gradually. Let him finish his work and rest up before spending his Cristina time with me. I gotta let him go. ^_^
Friday, July 17, 2009
The nights are so lonely the days are so sad.
I'm sorry Shabu. Of course I haven't abandoned you. ^_^
I'm hooked to such an emo song, yet at the same time I don't know why. Perhaps one day, it'll serve its purpose.
Nobody Knows It But Me - The Tony Rich Project
So yesterday, I had a strange case of giddiness and I felt as though I was on cloud nine. LOL, it was a bit uncanny. As though I was the one being the big baby that constantly needed pampering. And when I woke up today, I laughed at the thought. lol
I had to take a 2" x 2" picture of myself and mail it in for my BruinCard. This was supposed to be done two months ago. LOL So I was rushing it to get it to the post office by 5 P.M. And well, it was quite a hassle. Same with the laptop rebate thing. I swear, they add on all these required things just to make it difficult for you to claim the rebate. >:[
So today, I ate rice and canh..? and chips and cereal. yeahh. Should've gone to eat with Nancy, Amy, and Huong though. Blah, didn't know Thong was going to cancel the 24 Hour Fitness because of his essay.. on a Friday night. Sall good.
So I don't know if I should invite him to the lunch gathering tomorrow. Or the beach after that. He seems so....busy. He said he'd go to the swapmeet this Sunday. heh, I shouldn't get my hopes too high.
Stupid cell phone doesn't have that thingy where you attach your little phone key chain thingy. I got two too. A pooh bear notebook thing for thong and me. notebook.. get it?? hahahah, well, I can't get it on my phone. And Thong currently doesn't have a phone. so blahh.
GAHHH, the song's on REPEAT!! But it's so addictingg.. But it makes me feel sooo...down. -_-'
I'm so sore. My thighs are sore. My hips are sore. ehhh, if I do go to the gym today, I'll probably go super late. Don't feel up to it right now. -_- I'll work on my arms. No lower portion of body today.
I'm hooked to such an emo song, yet at the same time I don't know why. Perhaps one day, it'll serve its purpose.
Nobody Knows It But Me - The Tony Rich Project
So yesterday, I had a strange case of giddiness and I felt as though I was on cloud nine. LOL, it was a bit uncanny. As though I was the one being the big baby that constantly needed pampering. And when I woke up today, I laughed at the thought. lol
I had to take a 2" x 2" picture of myself and mail it in for my BruinCard. This was supposed to be done two months ago. LOL So I was rushing it to get it to the post office by 5 P.M. And well, it was quite a hassle. Same with the laptop rebate thing. I swear, they add on all these required things just to make it difficult for you to claim the rebate. >:[
So today, I ate rice and canh..? and chips and cereal. yeahh. Should've gone to eat with Nancy, Amy, and Huong though. Blah, didn't know Thong was going to cancel the 24 Hour Fitness because of his essay.. on a Friday night. Sall good.
So I don't know if I should invite him to the lunch gathering tomorrow. Or the beach after that. He seems so....busy. He said he'd go to the swapmeet this Sunday. heh, I shouldn't get my hopes too high.
Stupid cell phone doesn't have that thingy where you attach your little phone key chain thingy. I got two too. A pooh bear notebook thing for thong and me. notebook.. get it?? hahahah, well, I can't get it on my phone. And Thong currently doesn't have a phone. so blahh.
GAHHH, the song's on REPEAT!! But it's so addictingg.. But it makes me feel sooo...down. -_-'
I'm so sore. My thighs are sore. My hips are sore. ehhh, if I do go to the gym today, I'll probably go super late. Don't feel up to it right now. -_- I'll work on my arms. No lower portion of body today.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Cause every moment, we share together, is even better, than the moment before.
I won’t promise you forevers;
they’re simply overrated.
Though I am sure of one thing -
the time that we have dated.
So wonderful, so beautiful, so meaningful.
Because at present, everything feels right.
So I’ll embrace this moment.
I swear, I’ll hold on tight.
Somehow, someway, we’ll get along,
But for now, Cristina for Thong.
So today was our 4 month anniversary. And let's just say, I overslept so I had to finish up the little poem and the gift wrapping before I leave for Thong's house. And right when I finished getting ready, my parents decided that they wanted to go to Costco. So I had to wait for them to finish dressing up. -_-
I got him a football jersey and football pendant. On the jersey, I had the place engrave Cristina for Thong. hehee, though its strange. I now know how the place makes its money. Engraving alone cost more than the gift itself. haha strange indeed. When I got home, I realized that the necklace chain was super long. Like gansta long or so! LOL. and so I cut off about 8 inches so that it would be just right.
Went to Thong's house and while he was preparing the gift - AHAHA - I talked to his mom. And yeah, it was really nice. ^_^ She seemed so lonely and sad though. And ten minutes into the conversation, I saw how tired she was. I'm hoping that Thong and his family will appreciate her more.
When his mom went to pick up Thang, I spent the time talking to Thong. And after talking for quite a while, it escalated into something much more intimate. And I'd be lying if I say I didn't enjoy it. Though, I think I like it best when he just holds me in his arms. The heated passion is a bonus of course. haha. Jackpot on the neck and ears. ^^ And he told me about his dream. So...playboy bunnies and rejection. o_O I found it hilarious!
We then went into the kitchen to try out our cooking skills. He sliced up the Chinese sausages and I mixed the eggs. And we combined it and it tasted quite heavenly! Okay, so I exaggerated a bit. Big deal! =] We ate that with the chow mein his mom made. And by the time Thang and his mom came home, we had big bellies to show off. We then proceeded to do the dishes. It was his first time. And first thing he did was accidentally splash the soap solution over the clean dishes. lol
And after that, Thong scurried up to his room to finish up the present. LOL, I swear, he can be so utterly cute sometimes. Mom came to pick me up and Thong tried to finish up the last touches. And then he presented it to me. And I must say, I was quite touch at how much thought he put into it. hehee, It was a small cube with notebook pages. The cover is silky smooth and the sides are littered with perfect pink spheres. Notebook pages. ^_^ And I was planning something similar too! But a photo album that tells a story instead. With blank pages to fill in as we go along. =] We'll see though. Then when I gave him his gift; it was so worth it. I loved it! His expression that time is something I'll always remember. His eyes started out big and round - if that were possible. And then they softened up and his eyebrows arched upward a little. And his open mouth turned into a gentle smile. He immediately put it around his neck and kissed the pendant. ahahaha, funny. Because right before I wrapped it up, I too, gave it a kiss. And when he saw me off and walked back into his house, he picked it up and just held it in his hand. =]
Overall, I had a splendid day. One of the best, I can safely say. Though I know that Thong's super tired. He had 5 hours of sleep and he hasn't done his reading yet. And so, he'll wake up at 5 A.M. tomorrow to read. I'll probably call him at 6:30 then just to say good morning.
Well then, goodnight Shabu!!
they’re simply overrated.
Though I am sure of one thing -
the time that we have dated.
So wonderful, so beautiful, so meaningful.
Because at present, everything feels right.
So I’ll embrace this moment.
I swear, I’ll hold on tight.
Somehow, someway, we’ll get along,
But for now, Cristina for Thong.
So today was our 4 month anniversary. And let's just say, I overslept so I had to finish up the little poem and the gift wrapping before I leave for Thong's house. And right when I finished getting ready, my parents decided that they wanted to go to Costco. So I had to wait for them to finish dressing up. -_-
I got him a football jersey and football pendant. On the jersey, I had the place engrave Cristina for Thong. hehee, though its strange. I now know how the place makes its money. Engraving alone cost more than the gift itself. haha strange indeed. When I got home, I realized that the necklace chain was super long. Like gansta long or so! LOL. and so I cut off about 8 inches so that it would be just right.
Went to Thong's house and while he was preparing the gift - AHAHA - I talked to his mom. And yeah, it was really nice. ^_^ She seemed so lonely and sad though. And ten minutes into the conversation, I saw how tired she was. I'm hoping that Thong and his family will appreciate her more.
When his mom went to pick up Thang, I spent the time talking to Thong. And after talking for quite a while, it escalated into something much more intimate. And I'd be lying if I say I didn't enjoy it. Though, I think I like it best when he just holds me in his arms. The heated passion is a bonus of course. haha. Jackpot on the neck and ears. ^^ And he told me about his dream. So...playboy bunnies and rejection. o_O I found it hilarious!
We then went into the kitchen to try out our cooking skills. He sliced up the Chinese sausages and I mixed the eggs. And we combined it and it tasted quite heavenly! Okay, so I exaggerated a bit. Big deal! =] We ate that with the chow mein his mom made. And by the time Thang and his mom came home, we had big bellies to show off. We then proceeded to do the dishes. It was his first time. And first thing he did was accidentally splash the soap solution over the clean dishes. lol
And after that, Thong scurried up to his room to finish up the present. LOL, I swear, he can be so utterly cute sometimes. Mom came to pick me up and Thong tried to finish up the last touches. And then he presented it to me. And I must say, I was quite touch at how much thought he put into it. hehee, It was a small cube with notebook pages. The cover is silky smooth and the sides are littered with perfect pink spheres. Notebook pages. ^_^ And I was planning something similar too! But a photo album that tells a story instead. With blank pages to fill in as we go along. =] We'll see though. Then when I gave him his gift; it was so worth it. I loved it! His expression that time is something I'll always remember. His eyes started out big and round - if that were possible. And then they softened up and his eyebrows arched upward a little. And his open mouth turned into a gentle smile. He immediately put it around his neck and kissed the pendant. ahahaha, funny. Because right before I wrapped it up, I too, gave it a kiss. And when he saw me off and walked back into his house, he picked it up and just held it in his hand. =]
Overall, I had a splendid day. One of the best, I can safely say. Though I know that Thong's super tired. He had 5 hours of sleep and he hasn't done his reading yet. And so, he'll wake up at 5 A.M. tomorrow to read. I'll probably call him at 6:30 then just to say good morning.
Well then, goodnight Shabu!!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Sometimes I love you more than you'll ever know. Other times you get on my nerves.
Hey Shabu!!
I will talk about Saturday, the 11th first! Yeah?? So that night I slept and I was still super emo. Two times I dreamt of him. And both times in the dream, we made up after the argument we had from Thursday and the awkward silence from Friday. And in both dreams, I was so happy that we made up.
When I woke up, there was still no call. And when two o' clock rolled around, I gave up and believed that he had forgotten - either that, or he was too mad to call. And so, I gunbounded my day away. And at around three, he called me while I was playing gb.
He asked if I were free that day, and I said yes. Of course I was free. I put off everything for our date. lol And so he came over to my house to sing happy birthday to my dad and after that, he took me out. In his car with my dad's consent too!!
He drove me to petco! And though I know normal dates do not take place there, it was absolutely sweet and thoughtful. =] The hamsters were just too cute and the rat took me by surprise. LMAO. Okay, so I did NOT know that rats have such large.....thingies. And when it woke up and crawled out of it's little house, I saw it's thingies! And Thong tried to cover my eyes!! LOL!! And, it was a huge rat. So much for medium size. -_- We went away and I told Thong, "That was huge!!" And he replied, "Did you mean the rat or the uhh...thing?" Ahahaha, tooo cutee!! But yeah, I meant the rat. xD
Then we went to the Block to watch Ice Age 3!! Ehehehe, the dinosaurs were absolutely adorable. Big round eyes. And their foreheads were soo...out there? Ya know what I mean?? hehehe... And of course, we had the occasional laughing, hugging, touching, cuddling, and kissing.
And then we went shopping for his shoes. ^_^ He got a pair of black Vans, which if I may say, looks very nice on him. Then we went to eat at Johnny Rockets! First place we ate at too. And our day concluded with a kiss - or a few - behind his car. =]
For some strange reasons, Shabu, we get into a lot of arguments. Usually, these take place over the phone or online or whatnot. But when we do meet up and spend time together, everything just..rights itself. And everything seems perfect at the moment. And I would feel absolutely content. Perhaps more. I don't know. It seems as though I've become...rather needy and clingy. But I am working around that. ^_^ Gym will give me a chance to take a break and get my mind off of things. And I also have family, friends, and the internet to keep me occupied.
I will talk about Saturday, the 11th first! Yeah?? So that night I slept and I was still super emo. Two times I dreamt of him. And both times in the dream, we made up after the argument we had from Thursday and the awkward silence from Friday. And in both dreams, I was so happy that we made up.
When I woke up, there was still no call. And when two o' clock rolled around, I gave up and believed that he had forgotten - either that, or he was too mad to call. And so, I gunbounded my day away. And at around three, he called me while I was playing gb.
He asked if I were free that day, and I said yes. Of course I was free. I put off everything for our date. lol And so he came over to my house to sing happy birthday to my dad and after that, he took me out. In his car with my dad's consent too!!
He drove me to petco! And though I know normal dates do not take place there, it was absolutely sweet and thoughtful. =] The hamsters were just too cute and the rat took me by surprise. LMAO. Okay, so I did NOT know that rats have such large.....thingies. And when it woke up and crawled out of it's little house, I saw it's thingies! And Thong tried to cover my eyes!! LOL!! And, it was a huge rat. So much for medium size. -_- We went away and I told Thong, "That was huge!!" And he replied, "Did you mean the rat or the uhh...thing?" Ahahaha, tooo cutee!! But yeah, I meant the rat. xD
Then we went to the Block to watch Ice Age 3!! Ehehehe, the dinosaurs were absolutely adorable. Big round eyes. And their foreheads were soo...out there? Ya know what I mean?? hehehe... And of course, we had the occasional laughing, hugging, touching, cuddling, and kissing.
And then we went shopping for his shoes. ^_^ He got a pair of black Vans, which if I may say, looks very nice on him. Then we went to eat at Johnny Rockets! First place we ate at too. And our day concluded with a kiss - or a few - behind his car. =]
For some strange reasons, Shabu, we get into a lot of arguments. Usually, these take place over the phone or online or whatnot. But when we do meet up and spend time together, everything just..rights itself. And everything seems perfect at the moment. And I would feel absolutely content. Perhaps more. I don't know. It seems as though I've become...rather needy and clingy. But I am working around that. ^_^ Gym will give me a chance to take a break and get my mind off of things. And I also have family, friends, and the internet to keep me occupied.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Love me, love me, pretend that you love me.
Hello Shabu!! <==== SOUNDS SO COOOL! Today I had to wake up early to go to the dentist. Good news is I have only one cavity. Bad news is it's a bad one. So bad that I need to get a root canal. >:0!! Went home all mopey because both my brothers had gotten it and they told me that it's the worst thing they can possibly do to you. -_-
Later, my dad, mom, brother, and I went to 24 Hour Fitness. So while I was running, I saw Luan. When I came over, I realized that nearly the entire gang was there. LOL, didn't know they work so hard. Pretty amazing. ^^ So I ran two miles. Worked on my thighs, tummy, side tummy, arms, and shoulders. o_O And I went swimming, or floating..., sauna, etc etc. Overall, it was awesome.
Afterwards, the entire family went to eat at a Koraen restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday. Dad told me to call Thong but I was feeling quite blah. Well, maybe I should tell you why I feel so blah.
Yesterday, right after I got out of the gym, I immediately called him just because I missed him and I wanted to talk to him. He was tired and I told him to go to bed. So I sang to him. Just childish nursery rhymes. It started out so sweet, so playful, so absolutely fun. Then he got moody or whatnot, I have no idea. But he started telling me about things that piss him off. Things that tick him off. And he just.. started dissing people. Well, when it comes to controversial matters, our ideals differ greatly. And I am so serious when I say this. We would start debating about random crap to pointless crap. And these debates would escalate into arguments. Which would then lead to sleepless nights and unsettling thoughts.
Apparently, he hates people who sleep during boring lecture and wake up to laugh at funny jokes. He disses people who complain about how hard the AP tests are when, in his opinion, they are simply impossible to fail. And what pisses the fuck out of me is how he views politicians, or those with a "Yale," "Harvard," "Princeton," or "Stanford" degree as individuals so superior, so intelligent, so admirable that they have absolutely no flaw. It's pretty pathetic if you ask me. To just blindly follow those in power simply because they have the credibility to do so. To think that useless and ignorant people who "sit on their ass all day" should just keep their mouths shut even though these individuals represent them. It's fucken bull. To love America so much for its values and then go and put down one of its most predominant values by undermining the way people think. To mock those who yearn for peace and happiness in this world - however impossible it may seem. And ultimately, to denounce the teachings and doings of Dr. King and Gandhi and claiming, "no wonder they got shot." At least they dreamt of something, and did it.
He asked for my thoughts, and I gave him one, only to have him throw it in my face. It got to a point in which I just..didn't care anymore. I felt so indifferent about it. So nonchalant. So blahh. And I went to bed that night with that attitude. Usually, when something's wrong, it would plague my mind and keep me restless. In fact, I would be consumed with anger as well as sadness. But this time, it was just...blah. And I really started doubting if we would even work out.
Now back to today. So I called because my dad wanted me too. But also because I kind of wanted to see him. And his mom answered the phone and told me that Thong was eating dinner. So I left it at that. But it made me wonder. Previous times, when I called, and he was present, he would dash to his mom and yank the phone from her just to talk to me. But lately, it's been like this. His dining table isn't that far from the phone. At most, two steps. -_- But he just...sat through it and called...two hours later. Or how the other time I called and his mom once again told me that he was having dinner. But he later told me that he was watching TV. And once again, the TV is four steps away from the phone. Or how I'd switch from cell phone to home phone. And I'd tell him that I'm going to call his home phone instead. He knows how I feel like when I call and have to answer to his mom. It's uncomfortable? Something I... dread, if you will. Well, it's not something I look forward to because 95% of the time, I feel as though I am being a burden. So I realized that when I did this, rather than running downstairs to get the phone like previous times, he would let his mom answer it and bring it to him. I know for a fact that feelings fade. I've had first-hand experience with it. Seen others around me go through it. And now, I'm beginning to think that it's happening again. Maybe, he is like the rest of them.
So we talked after my dad's dinner thing. And I tried to disregard the previous night's conversation and talked like how I usually do. He asked me how my day was and I told him like I always did. With the occasional laughing, the giggling, the energetic tone of voice - the way I always feel when I talk to him. But he was just...mellow and nonchalant. I asked him how his day was and once again, he gave short answers and rarely, if at all, laughed or joked around or seemed like he was having fun. Then there was just...awkward silence. He'd ask simple questions and I'd just answer them. If he didn't want to talk, he could have just told me. Rather than forcing the entire phone conversation. He asked me if I wanted to go out Friday two days ago. Then we changed it to Saturday because of my dad's birthday. But not once did he even mention it. And so, I just gave up and said I needed to go take a shower. And he hasn't called back since.
Later, my dad, mom, brother, and I went to 24 Hour Fitness. So while I was running, I saw Luan. When I came over, I realized that nearly the entire gang was there. LOL, didn't know they work so hard. Pretty amazing. ^^ So I ran two miles. Worked on my thighs, tummy, side tummy, arms, and shoulders. o_O And I went swimming, or floating..., sauna, etc etc. Overall, it was awesome.
Afterwards, the entire family went to eat at a Koraen restaurant to celebrate my dad's birthday. Dad told me to call Thong but I was feeling quite blah. Well, maybe I should tell you why I feel so blah.
Yesterday, right after I got out of the gym, I immediately called him just because I missed him and I wanted to talk to him. He was tired and I told him to go to bed. So I sang to him. Just childish nursery rhymes. It started out so sweet, so playful, so absolutely fun. Then he got moody or whatnot, I have no idea. But he started telling me about things that piss him off. Things that tick him off. And he just.. started dissing people. Well, when it comes to controversial matters, our ideals differ greatly. And I am so serious when I say this. We would start debating about random crap to pointless crap. And these debates would escalate into arguments. Which would then lead to sleepless nights and unsettling thoughts.
Apparently, he hates people who sleep during boring lecture and wake up to laugh at funny jokes. He disses people who complain about how hard the AP tests are when, in his opinion, they are simply impossible to fail. And what pisses the fuck out of me is how he views politicians, or those with a "Yale," "Harvard," "Princeton," or "Stanford" degree as individuals so superior, so intelligent, so admirable that they have absolutely no flaw. It's pretty pathetic if you ask me. To just blindly follow those in power simply because they have the credibility to do so. To think that useless and ignorant people who "sit on their ass all day" should just keep their mouths shut even though these individuals represent them. It's fucken bull. To love America so much for its values and then go and put down one of its most predominant values by undermining the way people think. To mock those who yearn for peace and happiness in this world - however impossible it may seem. And ultimately, to denounce the teachings and doings of Dr. King and Gandhi and claiming, "no wonder they got shot." At least they dreamt of something, and did it.
He asked for my thoughts, and I gave him one, only to have him throw it in my face. It got to a point in which I just..didn't care anymore. I felt so indifferent about it. So nonchalant. So blahh. And I went to bed that night with that attitude. Usually, when something's wrong, it would plague my mind and keep me restless. In fact, I would be consumed with anger as well as sadness. But this time, it was just...blah. And I really started doubting if we would even work out.
Now back to today. So I called because my dad wanted me too. But also because I kind of wanted to see him. And his mom answered the phone and told me that Thong was eating dinner. So I left it at that. But it made me wonder. Previous times, when I called, and he was present, he would dash to his mom and yank the phone from her just to talk to me. But lately, it's been like this. His dining table isn't that far from the phone. At most, two steps. -_- But he just...sat through it and called...two hours later. Or how the other time I called and his mom once again told me that he was having dinner. But he later told me that he was watching TV. And once again, the TV is four steps away from the phone. Or how I'd switch from cell phone to home phone. And I'd tell him that I'm going to call his home phone instead. He knows how I feel like when I call and have to answer to his mom. It's uncomfortable? Something I... dread, if you will. Well, it's not something I look forward to because 95% of the time, I feel as though I am being a burden. So I realized that when I did this, rather than running downstairs to get the phone like previous times, he would let his mom answer it and bring it to him. I know for a fact that feelings fade. I've had first-hand experience with it. Seen others around me go through it. And now, I'm beginning to think that it's happening again. Maybe, he is like the rest of them.
So we talked after my dad's dinner thing. And I tried to disregard the previous night's conversation and talked like how I usually do. He asked me how my day was and I told him like I always did. With the occasional laughing, the giggling, the energetic tone of voice - the way I always feel when I talk to him. But he was just...mellow and nonchalant. I asked him how his day was and once again, he gave short answers and rarely, if at all, laughed or joked around or seemed like he was having fun. Then there was just...awkward silence. He'd ask simple questions and I'd just answer them. If he didn't want to talk, he could have just told me. Rather than forcing the entire phone conversation. He asked me if I wanted to go out Friday two days ago. Then we changed it to Saturday because of my dad's birthday. But not once did he even mention it. And so, I just gave up and said I needed to go take a shower. And he hasn't called back since.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
We got that you hang up no you hang up kinda love
Hello you!! *still need to give you a name*
So yesterday I read a fictional story all the way till five in the morning! And when I went to bed, I couldn't! Maybe it was because of the three hour nap that I had that day. Well, I set my alarm clock for 6:30 A.M. to call Thong. Guess what happened??
I fell asleep at 6:00 A.M. -_- Woke up at 6:30 A.M. Decided to close my eyes for five minutes till it's 6:35 A.M. Woke up again at 6:40 A.M.!!! So I called at 6:41 A.M. and no answer! Well, I failed, epic fail.... =[
Thong and his schedule. I have to start talking to the guy less because he isn't getting his share of sleep. So, hopefully, this works out. He'll go to school from 6:30 A.M. to 12:00 P.M. Go home by 1:00 P.M. and take a nap until work at 4:00 P.M. Work from 4:00 to 7:00 P.M. Do homework and eat from 7:30 P.M. to 10:00 P.M. Then phone or his fun time from 10:00 to 11:00 or 12:00. That way, he'll get roughly nine hours of sleep a day. =]
So yesterday I read a fictional story all the way till five in the morning! And when I went to bed, I couldn't! Maybe it was because of the three hour nap that I had that day. Well, I set my alarm clock for 6:30 A.M. to call Thong. Guess what happened??
I fell asleep at 6:00 A.M. -_- Woke up at 6:30 A.M. Decided to close my eyes for five minutes till it's 6:35 A.M. Woke up again at 6:40 A.M.!!! So I called at 6:41 A.M. and no answer! Well, I failed, epic fail.... =[
Thong and his schedule. I have to start talking to the guy less because he isn't getting his share of sleep. So, hopefully, this works out. He'll go to school from 6:30 A.M. to 12:00 P.M. Go home by 1:00 P.M. and take a nap until work at 4:00 P.M. Work from 4:00 to 7:00 P.M. Do homework and eat from 7:30 P.M. to 10:00 P.M. Then phone or his fun time from 10:00 to 11:00 or 12:00. That way, he'll get roughly nine hours of sleep a day. =]
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
This should be nothin' to a love like what we got.
Yo my very own notebook! *gotta find you a name -_-*
So tonight we talked about it and worked it out. And it really does feel a lot better. And at the same time, I feel as though our relationship has gotten stronger. Just like every other time. Though, he did figure out most of what's wrong this time. Our conversation became light-hearted and we began joking about random things. He also did his adorable "hellos" today, along with his irresistible baby talk.
So he got the college class! Though it does take away a lot of his time, it's what he wants to do. So it's all good. The class seems pretty interesting too. o_O He told me about a group of people who do not develop as much testosterone as normal males. And so, they start out as females and gradually become males after puberty. Pretty interesting stuff. I've also decided that I'm going to call him before he heads off to school from now on. It's a good way to start the day. I just don't want him to overwork himself and assent to stress. Now, problem is to wake up at 6:30 each day. =] Should be fun. And, I do want his voice to start out my day too.
I saw a pink air plane today! Well, two actually. It was pink and white. o_O Now who the hell paints airplanes pink and white. So it was a tad bit uncanny. And, a baby bee died today. I guess it fell out of its hive and died because it was too young. It was incapable of flying or walking without stumbling over one of its frail legs. And in the end, it curled up and just...died.
AP scores came in today. As expected, I failed Spanish with a two! The only two I ever received. =[ Though, the other scores were good. So I guess it's fine. Taking Spanish in college will be a break from all the biology stuff that I will probably be doing. And, I have all intentions to at least know the language. xD
Well, peace for now my very own notebook! *I'll have a name for you next time.*
So tonight we talked about it and worked it out. And it really does feel a lot better. And at the same time, I feel as though our relationship has gotten stronger. Just like every other time. Though, he did figure out most of what's wrong this time. Our conversation became light-hearted and we began joking about random things. He also did his adorable "hellos" today, along with his irresistible baby talk.
So he got the college class! Though it does take away a lot of his time, it's what he wants to do. So it's all good. The class seems pretty interesting too. o_O He told me about a group of people who do not develop as much testosterone as normal males. And so, they start out as females and gradually become males after puberty. Pretty interesting stuff. I've also decided that I'm going to call him before he heads off to school from now on. It's a good way to start the day. I just don't want him to overwork himself and assent to stress. Now, problem is to wake up at 6:30 each day. =] Should be fun. And, I do want his voice to start out my day too.
I saw a pink air plane today! Well, two actually. It was pink and white. o_O Now who the hell paints airplanes pink and white. So it was a tad bit uncanny. And, a baby bee died today. I guess it fell out of its hive and died because it was too young. It was incapable of flying or walking without stumbling over one of its frail legs. And in the end, it curled up and just...died.
AP scores came in today. As expected, I failed Spanish with a two! The only two I ever received. =[ Though, the other scores were good. So I guess it's fine. Taking Spanish in college will be a break from all the biology stuff that I will probably be doing. And, I have all intentions to at least know the language. xD
Well, peace for now my very own notebook! *I'll have a name for you next time.*
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Time, is going by, so much faster than I.
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of here with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not selling all of it to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
(Chorus)
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
Never gonna be alone!
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
(Verse 2)
And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Coz forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
(Chorus)
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
Never Gonna Be Alone lyrics on
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
(Verse 3)
Ooooh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...
(Verse 4)
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
(Chorus)
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
I woke up to this song stuck in my head. xD So after talking with Bach, I've decided. And so today, I called his brother's phone at 6:10 in the morning. Just to tell him good morning and to drive safely. Called home phone too. Four times to be exact. I guess he was in a hurry or something? Well, I've tried talking about this a lot. And usually, it doesn't work for long. But the conversations have been over aim or over the phone. Maybe I'll listen to those two and talk face to face. If we see each other any time soon, that is. And for now, I'll go with the flow.
And I'm starting to regret not spending all of here with you.
Now I'm, wondering why, I've kept this bottled inside,
So I'm starting to regret not selling all of it to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
(Chorus)
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall...
Never gonna be alone!
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
(Verse 2)
And now, as long as I can, I'm holding on with both hands,
'Coz forever I believe that there's nothing I could need but you,
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
(Chorus)
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
Never Gonna Be Alone lyrics on
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
(Verse 3)
Ooooh!
You've gotta live every single day,
Like it's the only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Don't let it slip away,
Could be our only one, you know it's only just begun.
Every single day,
Maybe our only one, what if tomorrow never comes?
Tomorrow never comes...
(Verse 4)
Time, is going by, so much faster than I,
And I'm starting to regret not telling all of this to you.
So if I haven't yet, I've gotta let you know...
(Chorus)
Never gonna be alone!
From this moment on, if you ever feel like letting go,
I won't let you fall.
When all hope is gone, I know that you can carry on.
We're gonna see the world out,
I'll hold you 'til the hurt is gone.
I woke up to this song stuck in my head. xD So after talking with Bach, I've decided. And so today, I called his brother's phone at 6:10 in the morning. Just to tell him good morning and to drive safely. Called home phone too. Four times to be exact. I guess he was in a hurry or something? Well, I've tried talking about this a lot. And usually, it doesn't work for long. But the conversations have been over aim or over the phone. Maybe I'll listen to those two and talk face to face. If we see each other any time soon, that is. And for now, I'll go with the flow.
I, find it hard to say. And you, find it hard to care.
Hello my very own notebook!
It's strange that I'm talking to you, but I really do need to start talking to someone again. Xanga has past memories I do not want to visit. Live Journal is reserved for something else. And, I think this new start is quite refreshing. ^^
I noticed that I blog when I have a lot to think about. Most times, they're thoughts that won't leave my mind and will torment me day and night. And so, why not toss them onto a sheet of paper? In this case, a blog website.
As you may have noticed, I write when I am unhappy. And I can safely say, I read fanfics when I'm unhappy. I watch anime when I'm unhappy. Or you can see them as things I do merely because I am bored. xD But really though, reading fictional stories and watching overrated animes give you something to do. They keep your mind occupied so that you do not have to let it go wondering into places that you do not desire. And of course, it makes you feel again. But that's something only you will know. Others probably think I do it because I want to.
I've been having a lot on my mind lately. Specifically, what do I do with the relationship that Thong and I currently share. I am not exaggerating when I say that we get into a lot of petty, little arguments. Well, from what I see, I view them as arguments whereas he sees them as something trivial. Maybe that's why he seems absolutely clueless to the turmoil that is currently taking residence in my mind as well as my heart.
To be honest, I don't really know what to believe anymore. He talks a lot. And I don't mean it that way. He says a lot of things that give me hope and crushes that very hope with his idleness. He claims to want to spend a lot of time with me but at the same time, he doesn't do so because he apparently has a "date with Shakespeare," or has to run, or is taking a class just for the heck of it, etc. I mean, I do know its unreasonable for me to want to spend quality time with him when he's so busy. But at the same time, this is the last summer we will have together. Then we're off to different colleges. And those things that I listed, he does them voluntarily. Meaning, he chooses them over me because he feels as though they are his responsibilities. Of course, I'm not saying they're not. I just don't like how he talks about spending lots of time with me and goes around and does something else. Like how he wants to go visit me at the swap meet after the first time. He likes to see me working and he wants to be there with me. And he keeps telling me this. So, like a hopeless and naive child, I would actually dress up rather than wear the usual attire and wait for him. And each week, that hope diminishes; that is, until he tells me that he was planning to go, but couldn't and will do so next week. Eventually, I began to think of his words as well, merely words.
Fourth of July just passed and he spent it with me. And even though we didn't really get to spend most of it together, it was still fun. Though I really did wish that he at least gives me a proper goodbye before making a mad dash for the door. When my uncle said that he'll go home with my cousins now, without a hug or a mere look, Thong grabbed his brother and ran for the door. No goodbye. No kiss. No hug. Not even a glance. If I had not followed him to the door, he probably would've left without the goodbye. I also talked of shopping the following day and asked if he would be doing anything. His response was, "I'll probably just dream the entire day." He pretty much implied he'd love to go shopping with me. And when I actually went and gave him a call, he responded with "I'm busy," when he spent his day doing a bit of laundry, reading a bit of Shakespeare, and sleeping most of it. And when I confronted him about it, it led to teasings, which were okay. But he started calling me a loner, without taking into consideration that I did not invite friends simply because I wanted to spend the day with him. Either way, I went shopping to get something ordered. And that was for him too. The phone conversation took a vicious turn and next thing you know, there were truths in those words. But I later disregarded them and decided to make up that night. But he seemed tired of the conversation. And tired of me. He ended the call with a "I need to wake up early tomorrow." And so I told him goodnight and hung up.
Today, I went to Shik Do Rak, a Korean bbq restaurant with Bach, Anh-Thuy, Richard, Tiffany, and Thanh. I did not invite Thong. I found no reasons to do so. Most likely, he'd say that he was too busy and tired and that he needed to work two hours later. So I left it at that.
And when he called tonight, the conversation was kind of blah. Because quite frankly, if he doesn't seem to care as much anymore, I find no need to do so. I ended the phone conversation early today, telling him that he needs to go to school early tomorrow. And well, it's okay. Because he does. And, because that's what he told me yesterday too. Though he did apologize, I doubt that he really is sorry. It became a pattern in a way. I'd be mad; he'd say sorry. And I guess to him, it became a job, an obligation.
I'm really tired of this. Tired that I want to spend so much time with him. Maybe it's because I know that this is the only time I'll ever have - in a long time at least. But I really do miss him. And I really do think of him every chance I get. And yes, he's the last thought I have in mind right before bed. But, I'm so tired of his bs and excuses. If he doesn't want to put the effort into this relationship, then tell me now.
Anh-Thuy and Bach told me to put my stubbornness aside and talk to him. Oh, but I have! Many times, I have. But it always goes back to square one. And I am quite sick of it. See, two can play this game. If he has the time to talk to me on the phone for three plus hours a day, why can he not use that time to instead see me face to face. I wanted to do this. I wanted to play the game he's playing and give him a taste of his own medicine. I wanted to talk to him one hour a day max on the phone. And we'll see each other once a week max. But to be honest, he probably won't mind.
I don't know what to do as of now. Go with the flow? Go with his flow?
It's strange that I'm talking to you, but I really do need to start talking to someone again. Xanga has past memories I do not want to visit. Live Journal is reserved for something else. And, I think this new start is quite refreshing. ^^
I noticed that I blog when I have a lot to think about. Most times, they're thoughts that won't leave my mind and will torment me day and night. And so, why not toss them onto a sheet of paper? In this case, a blog website.
As you may have noticed, I write when I am unhappy. And I can safely say, I read fanfics when I'm unhappy. I watch anime when I'm unhappy. Or you can see them as things I do merely because I am bored. xD But really though, reading fictional stories and watching overrated animes give you something to do. They keep your mind occupied so that you do not have to let it go wondering into places that you do not desire. And of course, it makes you feel again. But that's something only you will know. Others probably think I do it because I want to.
I've been having a lot on my mind lately. Specifically, what do I do with the relationship that Thong and I currently share. I am not exaggerating when I say that we get into a lot of petty, little arguments. Well, from what I see, I view them as arguments whereas he sees them as something trivial. Maybe that's why he seems absolutely clueless to the turmoil that is currently taking residence in my mind as well as my heart.
To be honest, I don't really know what to believe anymore. He talks a lot. And I don't mean it that way. He says a lot of things that give me hope and crushes that very hope with his idleness. He claims to want to spend a lot of time with me but at the same time, he doesn't do so because he apparently has a "date with Shakespeare," or has to run, or is taking a class just for the heck of it, etc. I mean, I do know its unreasonable for me to want to spend quality time with him when he's so busy. But at the same time, this is the last summer we will have together. Then we're off to different colleges. And those things that I listed, he does them voluntarily. Meaning, he chooses them over me because he feels as though they are his responsibilities. Of course, I'm not saying they're not. I just don't like how he talks about spending lots of time with me and goes around and does something else. Like how he wants to go visit me at the swap meet after the first time. He likes to see me working and he wants to be there with me. And he keeps telling me this. So, like a hopeless and naive child, I would actually dress up rather than wear the usual attire and wait for him. And each week, that hope diminishes; that is, until he tells me that he was planning to go, but couldn't and will do so next week. Eventually, I began to think of his words as well, merely words.
Fourth of July just passed and he spent it with me. And even though we didn't really get to spend most of it together, it was still fun. Though I really did wish that he at least gives me a proper goodbye before making a mad dash for the door. When my uncle said that he'll go home with my cousins now, without a hug or a mere look, Thong grabbed his brother and ran for the door. No goodbye. No kiss. No hug. Not even a glance. If I had not followed him to the door, he probably would've left without the goodbye. I also talked of shopping the following day and asked if he would be doing anything. His response was, "I'll probably just dream the entire day." He pretty much implied he'd love to go shopping with me. And when I actually went and gave him a call, he responded with "I'm busy," when he spent his day doing a bit of laundry, reading a bit of Shakespeare, and sleeping most of it. And when I confronted him about it, it led to teasings, which were okay. But he started calling me a loner, without taking into consideration that I did not invite friends simply because I wanted to spend the day with him. Either way, I went shopping to get something ordered. And that was for him too. The phone conversation took a vicious turn and next thing you know, there were truths in those words. But I later disregarded them and decided to make up that night. But he seemed tired of the conversation. And tired of me. He ended the call with a "I need to wake up early tomorrow." And so I told him goodnight and hung up.
Today, I went to Shik Do Rak, a Korean bbq restaurant with Bach, Anh-Thuy, Richard, Tiffany, and Thanh. I did not invite Thong. I found no reasons to do so. Most likely, he'd say that he was too busy and tired and that he needed to work two hours later. So I left it at that.
And when he called tonight, the conversation was kind of blah. Because quite frankly, if he doesn't seem to care as much anymore, I find no need to do so. I ended the phone conversation early today, telling him that he needs to go to school early tomorrow. And well, it's okay. Because he does. And, because that's what he told me yesterday too. Though he did apologize, I doubt that he really is sorry. It became a pattern in a way. I'd be mad; he'd say sorry. And I guess to him, it became a job, an obligation.
I'm really tired of this. Tired that I want to spend so much time with him. Maybe it's because I know that this is the only time I'll ever have - in a long time at least. But I really do miss him. And I really do think of him every chance I get. And yes, he's the last thought I have in mind right before bed. But, I'm so tired of his bs and excuses. If he doesn't want to put the effort into this relationship, then tell me now.
Anh-Thuy and Bach told me to put my stubbornness aside and talk to him. Oh, but I have! Many times, I have. But it always goes back to square one. And I am quite sick of it. See, two can play this game. If he has the time to talk to me on the phone for three plus hours a day, why can he not use that time to instead see me face to face. I wanted to do this. I wanted to play the game he's playing and give him a taste of his own medicine. I wanted to talk to him one hour a day max on the phone. And we'll see each other once a week max. But to be honest, he probably won't mind.
I don't know what to do as of now. Go with the flow? Go with his flow?
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