Cos nothing seems to change, oh no. No nothing’s gonna change, at all.

I tried to make up today. Tried to act normal and cheery. But he was the same. And I just gave up. I needed to get my mind off of him.

So I went to Mimi's room to hang out. We went to Hedrick's gym and we just talked about Key Club, college, freshmen fifteen, and basically everything. It was a good break from everything. And I had a really good catch up time with Mimi. =]

Then at 12, decided to go to Westwood with Martin. We wanted to go get ice scream sandwiches but apparently the place closes at midnight. So we walked around westwood and I told him about what was bothering me. I guess in a way, Martin is now the new Bach in my romance life. Haha, love counselor.

Westwood was pretty at night. I almost got a ticket for J walking? The drivers are reckless. The frat houses were loud. The air was cool.

This love is killin' me. But you're the only one.

Stupid Thong, stupid stupid stupid. Always pissing me off and making me down. Seriously, he shouldn't even be taking this much of my time. I'm in college now. I'm supposed to get out and have fun. But it's barely the first day, and already, I'm disappointed in him. Again.

He said one week ago that he'd see me off before I head off to college. And I asked him how will he do that, and he said he'll just drive down from UCI. It was simple. Then three days later, he said he'd see me off again. And two days later, he said so again. And yesterday, he said that he'd see me off. And I asked him one more time if he would be busy with UCI stuff. He said no. And when I asked him what time he would come home, he said early in the morning. And then I told him that I'd be home at five. How would it work? And he said that there would be no activities on Sunday. So it wouldn't matter. So...expect a letter in the mailbox. And expect him there to see me off. And so, I did. I looked forward to seeing him one last time before I headed up to UCLA.

But when the time came, and I got home, he was no where in sight... I called him to tell him that I'm leaving soon and he didn't seem to know what the matter was. So he said, "Okay, good luck." And that was that. I asked him if I should wait for him. And he said no....

And so I just predicted that he was really busy. That's why he didn't have time to visit me.

But later that night, it showed otherwise. Apparently, he didn't even remember telling me that. And then he went on and said, "Well, I was busy," "You have to spend time with your family," "Your boyfriend shouldn't butt in," "I had to buy stuff and I had lots of thing to do," "Cristina, I have my own work to do." And basically, he came up with all the bullshitting excuses in the book. Fuck you Thong. If you're going to be like that, then you might as well not say that you'd meet up with me. I mean, it's not like you just mentioned it once. You said it. And you went back and reinforced it into my head every single day after that. And right when you got me to the point where I'm expecting your visit, you simply forgot what you said and acted as though nothing's wrong.

And you know what's the worse part? Your face. How nonchalant it was. How you didn't seem to care. And YOU looked pissed off. As though it was my fault. And you accused me of demanding too much. When all I did was wait for you to do what you said you'd do. Like every other time.

And the stupidest thing is that I always go back to trusting your damn words.

And how my heart's about burst... Into a thousand pieces. So it must be true

Yesterday, I decided to visit Thong because he was sick. But somehow, I lagged and I ended up going to his house at 8:00 P.M. Thong's mom and my mom started talking while Thong and I decided to go tease Thang! LOL, now I know why Thong likes to tease him so much. When my mom left, we decided to go upstairs. At first, we tried making out in his parents' room. But considering the stairway leads directly toward the room, we realized that it wasn't that safe. And we ended up in his room. The kisses got intense. Maybe it's because we hadn't made out since the car. ahaha, but it was really nice. I was feeling bubbly. Then it got really hot too. Especially when he held me from behind and planted kisses all over my neck, which resulted in hickey.... hehe

Then after his mom came up, we had to resort to youtube as a disguise. ^_^ And we continued where we left off. lol, do you think what we did is wrong Shabu? I don't think so. I mean, it doesn't feel wrong. I don't see why I can't be doing these things with the one person I really care about.

Then his mom brought out a bag that she bought for me. It was so adorable. Just too cute. I didn't know Thong's mom can be this cute! Apparently, she bought this and was afraid that i wouldn't like it - after seeing her sons' expressions... And today, she gave it to me. And the more I look at it, the more I like it. Or maybe it's because Thong's mom bought it with me in her mind. But either way, I'm going to use it for sure. ^_^ Then Thong bought out the dark blue blanket that he bought me. HEHEHE, what is this family trying to do, spoil me? But it's really soft. Really really soft and cozy and fluffy and plushy... Then, we all headed back to my house!!

Woot woot! His mom and my parents were socializing! It was too funny. They actually had a lot to say!! And Thang went off to play games. And Thong just looked tired! LMAO. I guess it was because he was still sick. =[ Then he gave his mom the look. pshh. hahaha, but it was a very good day. One of the best days we've spent together! And there was a lot of family bonding too! Kudos.

And today, I worked on Thong's yearbook and I gave him the picture frame for his room. Though, he doesn't know that the most important thing I gave him today was access to this blog. If he opens the picture frame and moves the sheet of paper, he'd see the URL for this site right behind the picture. I wonder when, if ever, will he see it.

But the best thing about today was Thong's gift parte dos! OMG I did not know that Thong could do this much once he put his mind to it. I mean, he drew a map. Not any map, but a map that shows a lot of the things we've done together. Or just things that play a role in my life. But the drawings were beautiful. He can be quite artistic! And you can tell just by looking that he put a lot of thought and time into this one gift! It's simply amazing. I didn't even know how to express what I felt when I saw it. So I stayed quiet and just gawked at it.

I don't think he even knows how happy I feel at this very moment. Thanks a lot sweetie! I love it.

It's so magical, you and me.

This is by Thong. He just sent it via email. hehehehehee. =] He can be such a sweetheart!

Happy Half-Year Anniversary!

From: T. T. T.

To: C. T. T.

You and me

Was just a possibility,

But six months later and now I realize

That sweetie

You are simply

The best part of my life.

Cristina Thuy Ta stands for my wildest dreams come true.

Honestly, my life would be bland and boring without you.

You’ve made your entrance; you’ve created havoc.

I can’t stop thinking about you—Great, now it’s become a habit.

Your heart, your spirit, your humor, your eyes

Boy! Am I glad to have made you mine.

Yet, with the greatest dignity,

I congratulate our six-month anniversary.

Darling, I’m eternally grateful

For having the honor to be someone special

In your heart

For having your sweet, sweet I love you’s softly whispered in my ears

And for having discovered after all the tears

And glee

That Yes! You’re the one for me!

Trust me

The time we had together

Can’t be forgotten, never.

Only, I just wish

that this summer

Could somehow last forever.

Yet, time continues ticking by

And pretty soon

We’ll say good-bye,

But whatever happens from here on out

Whatever transcends

Just know that nothing—absolutely nothing!

Can make me forget

About my one and only

My good and pretty

Beautiful Miss

(the best and awesome-est)

There are countless more things I’ve yet to say;

But for starters, here are two for today:

Cristina, I love you, and

As you are there for me,

So I will always be there for you.

Wish I could keep you much longer.

Thong and I celebrated our six month anniversary today! We first went to the photo stickers place. It was an epic fail. Last year, they used coins. So I assumed that if I put money into the machine, it'd spit out coins. Well, it actually swallowed up my bills. Ten rather than the required nine. LOL. Well, at first we didn't know where the camera was. And when we found it, it was too late. The shot showed us shocked and almost appalled... ahahahha

The decorating was simply hilarious. Thong decided to put on a bunch of sparkly things once he discovered where they were. Then he overdid it, so he erased the entire thing... only to realize there were ten seconds left. Then he threw the pen to me as though I were some type of miracle worker. LMFAO. So uhh, the picture was an epic fail. But hey, we'll laugh about it. ^_^

Then Thong took me to Joe's Crab Shack. He ordered us some pasta. lol, I really liked the bread. The atmosphere was really nice too.

We ended the day with Fashion Island. After getting lost... hahaha, we went into the pet shop. And we saw a big doggy that at first frightened Thong. Hmm... a lot more browsing. Checked out the koi... not koi fish... LOL. and we ended the day with the horsey ride. It was cold...sitting on the horse with a dress! But it was so worth it. It reminded me of that time we had a pillow fight in JC Penny. Or was it Sears?

Hmm, in his car, we were kissing when an old couple saw us. It got really awkward and it just ruined the atmosphere. I decided to give him the recorder then. ^_^ And he really really liked it. I don't know. But it feels really nice when you make someone feel special. xD At first, he thought it was just a voice recorder. Then he saw the paper. hehehe

Its all... been bottled up until now...

So on the tenth, Dad and Nancy got into a big argument - though it stemmed from something small. Huong came to visit and she brought her dog with her. My parents don't allow dogs in the house. But in the end, the dog ran in and out. The guests hugged the dog and went all over the sofa and whatnot. Doesn't seem that big, but it really bugged my parents. And when they left, dad yelled at Nancy for always causing him trouble. He went about wiping the couch and cussing. And then he forced Nancy to throw the three books into the patio because Huong used it at her house where her dog lives. And Nancy got really mad and he said she can get out any time she wants. She can go live on her own. She can go commit suicide. She can become a whore and do whatever she wants. She can bring home guys and he won't care. And Nancy started crying.

Since then, Nancy has completely ignored him. Around him, she wouldn't care what she did. And yesterday, she dressed up and went to a party without telling him. She came home at 10:30 P.M.

But you see Shabu, my dad has some sort of temper problem. Since he's mad at Nancy, he would get mad at other unnecessary things. And he'd go mad about nothing.

Yesterday, I napped after Thong called. I woke up to yelling and cussing and crying. I went outside and my mom was lying on the hall floor. She was just lying there crying. And next to her, Nanette was hugging her knees crying too. And dad had his mouth shut. I rushed to mom and held her head up. At the same time, Rocco handed me a pillow and I laid her head on it. And she looked so broken. She was just crying.

My mom rarely cries. Shes really strong. She only cries when she can't hold it in any longer. And yesterday was one of those days. I turned accusingly to my dad and yelled, "What the hell did you do!?" And he muttered, "She fell on her own." Richard called him "fucken mental" out loud. And he spun around and glared only to continue his cussing.

He started cussing again. Yelling at my mom. Threatening to kill my grandpa. Accusing my grandpa of tearing this family apart and making him miserable with his religious crap. Exclaiming that my mom pissed him off because she always defends her own dad. Well, is she supposed to sit there and take your crap every single day? Then Rocco stood up. He yelled out "Shut up!" And my dad quickly walked into the living room and roared "Who said that?"

And Rocco said, "I did! Why don't you just shut up!!" and damn, am I proud of you kiddo. Richard and I ran out after him in case he decides to beat up Rocco. Then, we wouldn't hold back. Then, we would finally stand up for our mom and ourselves. But he didn't do anything. He just walked back into his room and acted as though nothing was wrong.

I'm a coward. Richard and Rocco stood up for my mom last night. Richard and Rocco, my two baby brothers. And I was so proud of them. You don't even know.

But me, I was such a coward... I stood there, fists clenched. And at the same time, my insides were trembling. And I told myself to stop trembling but it wouldn't stop. And in the end, I couldn't do anything. Again.

I had to help mom up. He beat her up again. And apparently, he kicked her so hard that she fell over. And now, her neck aches. Her arms are bruised. Her sides were red and scratched up and bruised yesterday. It probably looks worse today. I gave her Chinese oil. And she fell asleep on the couch sniffing and cussing at my dad out loud. Throughout the night, we took turns to come out and check up on her.

Thong called about thirty minutes after everything happened. He thought I cried. I didn't though. I was sad and angry. My voice sounded broken. But I didn't cry.

Talking to Thong was a break from everything. It was refreshing. And I really do enjoy talking to him. Maybe that's why I always want to stay on as long as possible. I was on the computer adding on the the anniversary present. Dad came in and yelled. LOL

It's funny. The reason I can't sleep is because he disturbed my nap. So I said goodnight to Thong. And until three, I still couldn't sleep. I was hungry.... -_- I went out and grabbed two cookies and a cup of milk. LOL My root canal tooth bit one of the nutty thingies and it started aching. So much. And i had to stop eating and rinse out my mouth.

In the end, we didn't go to the swap meet. Mom didn't want to. Probably because she didn't want to see his face. And this morning, he left to go gamble again.

I've got the curse of curves.

Today, I went to eat out with Zuluaga, Jennifer, Y, and Heather, and Thong. The food was good. Zuluaga insisted on paying though. So I guess when we come back, we'll take him out to eat. ^_^ Y and Zuluaga soon found a topic that interested both of them. Jennifer and Heather were giggling to themselves. It was quite amusing. And Thong and I were just teasing one another. PSSHH, just because I don't eat veggies. ahahahha

Well, I'd like to take back what I previously said about Heather. It was in a moment of weakness!! Don't blame me Shabu. I guess I just had too much time in my hands to go speculating weird things... lol, I'm really glad that her appeal worked though. I remember how she broke the news to me. She was really down about it.

Well, afterward, Thong and I went ice skating. LOL The place was really nice! It was fun watching Thong. He was so adorable! Though the first time he fell, he took me down with him. LOL but it didn't hurt. It was just fun and a tad bit goofy. ^_^ Then he fell a second time! And one time, he skated by and nearly fell. So he kicked up and his skates hit my leg and almost tripped me. -__- Though I don't think he realized what he did. Ahahaha Then the rink closed after 45 minutes or so and we were like, "WTH?" But it turned out that the place has two rinks!! Crazy! But we already took off our skates and so we settled with playing cards.

It was overall a good day. ^_^ At night, I told Thong some of my dog stories. And I think he really liked them. Dog stories. LOL, it was a good trip down memory lane. I miss my pups.

Now the hardest thing to do is say bye bye.

RIP Tyson.

He was our neighbors dog. Six year old Boxer. And today. a police officer killed him. He was running around the neighborhood, hyper and excited. Though, he didn't bite anyone. He didn't bark at anyone. He wasn't a threat to anyone.

But the police officer came and tightened a leash around his throat. He yanked so hard that the dog's face slammed to the ground. Then he used his foot and stomped it onto his throat.

"If you don't control your dog, I will shoot him."

That's what he said to our neighbor. And then she noticed her pup's tongue turning purple. And then, that's when they realized that he was dead.

He died of suffocation. I hope the police officer gets what he deserves.

I just wonder, Do you ever, think of me, Anymore, do youuuuu?

It feels as though we're losing it. Phone conversations currently consist of awkward silences. Make college come already. I hear distance makes the heart grow fonder. Or possibly the opposite of that with prolonged time.....