Well you drive me crazy half the time; the other half I'm only trying to let you know that what I feel is true.

So Thong visited me this Saturday. Hmm, a lot of things happened that day. Things that I never even imagined would happen happened. It changed the pace of our relationship. But then again, it's not necessarily a bad thing. I don't think so. I've been putting off thinking about it. And now that I am, I guess we moved a little fast.

And I was scared at first. I mean, suddenly, I was questioning my self-worth. I was just as wrong as he was. I didn't say stop. And even then, would I have wanted him to stop? I've been asking myself this. I don't know. I guess we lost to lust and desires. And once that happened, there was no turning back.

So I've come up with a conclusion after a lot of thinking. We're always redefining our values. Always. And it just so happens that now, I'm redefining mine. It doesn't make us bad people. It shouldn't be something we feel guilty about. After all, I did it with Thong, a very important person in my life. Someone I really care about. Someone I want to share happy moments with. And when I think of it that way, it makes sense. And things fall into place.

So I won't try to fight with what's right and what's wrong. I'm doing this with the one person I love. And that itself, is authentic. I'm merely improvising my values a little is all.

I talked to Thong today. And he sounded like he was crying. I don't know. But I think he was blaming himself. And that just tore at me because he shouldn't be the one carrying this weight alone. We're in this together.

How do I deal without you.

It feels strange that we won't talk tonight....

And when I hear my phone ring, I can't help but think it's you. I've been conditioned into thinking the ring tone means you're here.

So.. I just changed my ring tone. At least for the time being.

(Are you really in love) Or was I just a game to prove to yourself

He canceled the park.

There'll come a time when I'll get tired of these little arguments and let downs. And maybe then, I'll realize and accept that it's probably not worth it.