Lay down a list of what is wrong. The things you've told him all along.

Ah, fuck it. I hate it when it's my fault. Got into another damn argument. I don't even know how to approach this one.

Yesterday, when we hung up at 12:30 A.M., he said "Talk to you later." I went to take a shower and by 2:00 A.M., rather than talking, he just text my cell phone, "Goodnight and sweet dreams." I mean, would it hurt to just call to say that? Takes at most one minute. Maybe two if we're being playful.

Then today, at around 5:00 P.M., he IMed me up while I was invisible. It seems like he did it just to avoid the phone conversation. As though, "If I'm lucky, she'll be there and she'll respond. Otherwise, I'll have to call her." And well, he got lucky. But whatever, I didn't feel like talking simply because it seemed so forced coming from him. I mean, I guess I took it pretty well. I just watched anime the entire time and did enjoy it. Then he had to call at 9:00 P.M. or so. I mean, if you're going to do this, at least do it all the way. But no, he comes back and calls when he feels like it's convenient for him.

It's always like that. I'm the one who's always available. He takes that for granted and calls when he feels like it. And when he doesn't want to, he doesn't do it. Because somewhere in the back of his mind, he knows that he can call at 2:00 A.M. and I'll be there to pick it up.

The conversation went smoothly at first. We joked around and talked and laughed. Then suddenly, I don't know what, but I just exploded. And I demanded an answer. And he gave the answer. He doesn't want to waste four hours talking on the phone each day. He'd rather read a book, run miles, or drive around at Irvine. The things he also didn't include are play video games and watch TV. I mean, it makes sense. Who would want to waste his summer talking on the phone 4 hours a day. Though it's not like we always did that. We used to talk simply because we couldn't see each other. Because of his homework and his work, back then the phone was the only option. But now, without work or school, I guess he just got sick and tired of it. Well, he did. He claims that he'd rather see me in real life. Of course. I mean, I do too. And suddenly, without the school and the work to hold him back, the blame falls on me.

But once again, what fucked up timing. Why the hell do my parents choose this time of all time to suddenly get back into it. To fuck up their lives and ours. Then he resorts to, "But, I want your parents to be home. I want to get permission." Apparently, from both of them. He would rather come and sit on the porch and talk. Or just stare at my window. lol, Of course he'll do that. Like all the other things he said. Just like all of the other crap he always say.

I know that he's right. Not that, but right about the four hours on the phone each day. It's ridiculous. But it's something I settle with. It's something I settled with ever since his work and his school. Back then, it was probably two or one hour though. But now, I don't even know. I guess the thing that pissed me off was the fact that he never had the guts to tell me that he didn't like it. That he felt like he needed to do it. Not wanted to do it. And so, because of his cowardly nature, he decided to gradually pull out. To gradually call less and talk less. To hope that I'm stupid enough to not notice what he was doing. Or at least have the decency enough to pretend to be stupid.

He said he liked talking on the phone. Just two days ago. Because when he talks on the phone, he actually talks to me. And he actually learns more about me. Then he goes and forgets what he said. Something only he'd do.

And that's why it hurt. Because suddenly, I had to question why he was doing it. If he didn't like the phone conversations. If he's bored of me. And I asked him that. His reaction said otherwise. But hey, that's what he's been asking me all along. Constantly too. Now he'll know how it feels.

I don't know. I guess, all I wanted for him to do was to tell me from the start. Because right when I became dependent on the calls, he pulled out. And it just left me hanging. And I hate that feeling. Should've told me sooner. I wonder if I hadn't asked him today, would he have told me at all.

I'd rather we spend time together. I'd give up the phone conversations to see him three days a week. But hey, with Thong, that may be asking too much.

Well, I should call back and apologize. This was my fault. But it stemmed from his gutless disposition. For some reason, I can only talk to him after I blog. Maybe that's when I finally let out my frustration and cool down. Then I'd talk to him without yelling or cussing or laughing bitterly.