It's time to be a big girl now.. and big girls don't cry.

Today I cried my heart out.

It was supposed to be a good day. It was Brian's birthday party. And we were supposed to have fun at the party. That's how I wanted it to be. Though, it turned out to be one of the worst days I've had with Thong.

The day started out good. I came at 2:30 P.M. after buying ice for Brian. And that's when I noticed that Thong barely came too. It was a nice day. The weather was nice. The party was nice. The atmosphere was nice. Simply too nice.

At the party, Thong gave me a bracelet that he made at UCI orientation. I'm wearing it right now. It was sweet. But the day somehow made a turn for the worst. I noticed that Thong sat down and simply watched the guys play games. As though he was uncomfortable. Insecure. Afraid. And so, to ease that, I led him out to the jumper. I wanted him to have fun. To blend in with the crowd and enjoy himself. But he stuck out like a duck lost among a bunch of swans. Or was it the other way? I dragged him to the jumper and for the first few seconds, it was awesome. We jumped without a care in the world. That's until people started filing in, one by one. And even then, it was still nice. I managed to jump and tackle Thong with some help from the other guys.

But then, he left. Randomly, out of the blue, he left me there. Without a word. Without much of a look. And for the next few minutes, I told myself, "He's probably in the restroom," "He's probably getting a drink of water," "He's probably..." And that's when I went in to look for him. And there, I saw him on the couch watching the guys play games. I mean, the least he could do was tell me. Ask me to come along. Look over at me. Anything. But he just... walked away and left me there.

So I quickly left the house and entered the jumper again. He can have it his way. I'll just have fun by myself. And I did. For a while - however short it was - I managed to tackle people and get tackled without thinking of him. But somehow, it went back to him. After the jumper, I went in again and glanced at him. He was still watching them play video games. So I went to get food. Ate and talked with Anh-thuy and Cindy. And after a while, I went over to where he was and sat down on the hammock. I didn't acknowledge him though. Didn't even spare him a glance. I was disappointed, agitated, and hurting. And he didn't seem like he cared. And so I left for the jumper once again.

He said that he'd join me after one game of Mario Tennis. But it wasn't till 30 minutes later did he enter the jumper. And even then, he had his mind concentrated on what to get Brian rather than spending time with me. And as quickly as he entered the jumper, he left. For an entire hour too.

I swallowed my pride, anger, and sadness and decided that I should do something about it. I mean, we only get to see each other once a week. It would suck if we didn't at least spend the time together. So I walked over to the game room and took his hand. I looked at him and told him, "I'm going to steal you away now." It was meant to be playful. But I really wanted him to see through it and follow me. To comfort me and hug me. But he didn't. He let go of my hand. And when Brian blew the candles, Thong was out the door. He didn't wait for me. Didn't look around to see that I wasn't comfortable with the people who were there. Didn't hug me. Didn't even try to take a look at me as I fought back tears.

And when he left, I took out my phone to call my mom. I had only stayed because I wanted to spend time with him. I declined Bach and Anh-thuy's invitation to the park to stay back with him. But in the end, he threw it all in my face. Of the four hours we spent at Brian's house, one hour he spent buying Brian's gift, and the other two and a half hours he spent in front of the TV screen. I didn't even get to give him the little notebook.

I came home dejected. After my shower, Nanette told me Thong called. It turned out to be the pervert from last time. Though this time, it kind of freaked me out because I was only in a towel. But I cussed at him. I yelled at him. I vented all of my frustration and anger on him. And for a second, I thought that I was yelling at Thong. I don't think he'll ever call back. =]

I waited for his call. Waited with the phone in my hands. Waited with music pounding against my ear drums. And then, the tears started falling. And next thing I knew, I was weeping. Crying my heart out. Crying into the pillow as I listened to emo songs over and over again. Swallowing back the burning feeling in my throat and fighting the strain on my chest. And suddenly, it was like one of those long nights from a year ago. And that's when I noticed, he did just what I had hope he wouldn't. He did what I had feared from the beginning. He did what Danny did. He walked away from me.